God, I have been enjoying the bible reading plan You have been walking me through. I’m sorry to be so late getting them on, but with Your help we’ll get them on little by little.
No rush. Just convalescing with You, and following Your lead in sharing with others.
YouVersion (a bible app You have blessed me with)
is doing a plan called 40 Days of Lent.
Day 44 of 47 for Lent Plan – “Holy Week: Maundy Thursday”
Reading: Matthew 26:17-30, Matthew 26:36-46, Mark 14:12-26, Mark 14:32-42,
Luke 22:7-30, Luke 22:39-46 KJV
- What meal was Jesus having with His disciples?
– The Feast of Unleavened Bread (aka Passover)
- What disturbing news did Jesus tell them while they were eating? What was their response?
– Jesus told them one of them was going to betray Him. They were sick at heart.
- What did they eat and drink symbolically?
– Bread that represented His body that was broken for many. Wine that was symbolic as His blood that was shed and poured out for many as a ransom for their sins.
- When Jesus was in the garden of Gethsemane with a few of His disciples, what was the condition of His soul?
– Troubled, exceeding sorrowful unto death, in agony, sore amazed, in fear
- What did Jesus ask the Father in Matthew 26:39? How many times did He pray this prayer?
– Jesus asked the Father to remove His cup from Him, but said, “Nevertheless, Thine will be done, not mine.”
- Worship: Write down one attribute of God and worship Him for who He is.
– Ransom. Thank You, Jesus, for paying the ransom to save me from my sins. I’m sorry You had to drink my cup. As much as I have been through, I am so grateful that I will never know the full extent of what I had coming to me because I deserved every bit of it. You have taken it upon Your shoulders, and bore it upon Your cross. Help me to bare what You ask of me. I love You, Jesus! I love You, Father God! I love You, Holy Spirit! ❤
- Prayer: Pray for your immediate family members.
- Remembrance: Think about how it must have been for Jesus that night before His crucifixion. Ponder all He endured on your behalf.
– Oh, Jesus, I could never fully understand Your agony, and Your dread and sudden fear. No One can understand what it was like for You to fear the hands of Your enemies, and the pain they were eager to inflict. You knew what the Romans were like. How they loved to torture a body. The cruelty they were experienced in so well, and dispensed with pleasure. Only You, God, could see what it was like to see the weight of the sins of the world upon Your shoulders.
We have only an idea of parts of it, the parts we have experienced, or witnessed in the world that disgusts us, seen in our community to frighten us, seen among our family and friends to weigh so heavy in our hearts, and bare in our own flesh to know the agony of pain so much we wish to die, the darkness that suffocates us so much that we feel like we can’t breathe and inwardly hope we never draw another breath. The mental agony of shame and guilt that makes us feel so inhumane, the contrite spirit of being rejected, the cruelty of what man can say or do to the soul merely through his words, and the darkness that numbs your soul from life itself just hanging on and on when your heart, soul, body, and mind has been in so much pain that you simply check out mentally while all the pain still exists, as strong as ever. That’s just a glimpse for us.
The overwhelming disbelief of how evil we can be to each other takes its toll and we turn away, turn our back, turn the channel, whatever we are blessed to be able to do. But You had to face it in order to pay that ransom for me. Your Father had to look upon You under the weight of all that as much as He could before He simply had to turn His face away, else His anger could’ve so kindled that He could’ve wiped us all off the face of the earth.That feeling of abandonment that hit You when You cried, “Father, why hast thou forsaken me?” How that must have felt. It’s a feeling that we humans know too well. Yet God did not abandon. He just could not bear to see what You were going through because a parent’s heart can only take so much before we have to cover our eyes, or look away for just a moment if we are going to continue to the strength we need to be for our children. All this, and it’s only an idea. Just a glimpse. A pondering.
- Self-Examination: How do you navigate your mindset when looming situations may be on the horizon? Do you deal with it or choose denial? Write your thoughts.
– I have had those moments, Lord, when I too saw agony upon my son’s face. They are not moments that our bravery and heroism have any room to be present. As when Anthoni was just 6 or 7 month old and developed a fever that would not go away. By the times we got to the doctor’s office he went into a rheumatic fever seizure. They frantically took him from my arms. went into a room and closed the door, kept trying to stop his seizures (as I could see his little body shaking like crazy when they would race in and out of the room for things), and once somewhat under control they took him away in an ambulance to the hospital
They would not let me ride with them because they said they would have to keep working on maintaining his seizures. When our family got to the hospital, Anthoni was in the ICU. They were struggling to keep his fever down and his body at rest. It didn’t help that I had begun developing severe anxiety at that time of my life, even hyperventilating. When I became so dizzy that I was afraid to pass out on Anthoni should they need me for something, I asked my dad if he would stay with Anthoni while I went home. I could see the shock and disappointment in his eyes, and the disgust from the hospital staff that I would abandon my baby. My dad was very forgiving as he had my brother Charlie to help walk me to the car and drive me home.
I cry even now whenever I think of that because I was afraid he could die, without me even being there. I cannot put into words how grateful I am to You, Lord, after looking after Anthoni, for the hospital staff that worked so hard to save him and take care of him, and my dad who was so loving, even though he was so hurt… at me… and for Anthoni. YOUR LOVE was shown to me through my dad. I am forever grateful!
(I had to step out side for a few minutes because I was crying so hard, Lord.)
I am so grateful for my dad’s heart, and Yours. I am so grateful You had my dad there. The early next morning when I came back they had Anthoni in a room, stripped down to just a diaper, with an IV taped around his leg like a cast, in a tall crib, and wouldn’t let us hug him or hold him, except from time to time with a sheet between us when his fever was a little down. It was so hard to see him crying in pain from the IV in his leg, reaching out for me to pick him up, and crying because I wouldn’t. He did not understand that I couldn’t. His little face was crying, “Mommy. Pick me up!” And the added pain when he didn’t understand why I did not. I had to look away from my only son too.
How often You have given me so many similarities in my life to Your own life with Your own Son. And yet nowhere near the same. You entrusted me with my son, and You entrusted me with the heart and salvation of Your Son.
In this situation with Anthoni, I came so close not to dealing well with it. Even when I had came back, for 3 days Anthoni could not settle down at times. They said he could feel my anxiety, and they feared I was making myself sick by refusing to go home. I didn’t want to leave him. Finally the doctor forced me to choose between going downstairs to the ER to be checked out, or be forbidden to see Anthoni and therefore sent home. I did not know that he had a plan set up between him and the ER doctor.
The ER doctor convinced me that I needed an antibiotic to go back upstairs, but it was a Valium. Withing minutes I knew something was wrong. He told me the doctor upstairs didn’t want me to come back until I had went home and got some rest. Charlie had to help me to the car. The medicine put me out. Next day my nerves were so calm as though even a bomb couldn’t phase me. They were like that for 4 days When I had went back the next day after taking the medicine, Anthoni was doing good. They said I looked so much better, and that Anthoni’s health was affected by mine.
That’s the way things seem to go. I try my best to trust and follow. Yet there are times You have brought my healing through medicine. Whatever way You choose, it’s still me following You and trusting whatever way You see fit to teach me by, or simply heal/comfort me.
A Kind Act
- Help someone with a chore or task.
2 thoughts on “Day 44 of 47 for Lent Plan”
Oh my goodness, Gail, that time when Anthoni was so poorly and in ICU must have been so scary. It made me nearly cry just reading all of this, imagining your little boy in hospital and knowing how upset you were. I’m not surprised you were so anxious and worried at the time and that those feelings come back to you to this day.
Your gratitude is so heartening, and the fact that you’re so deeply affected just shows how big a heart you have.
And what a sly ER doc telling you that you needed an antibiotic but giving you a valium 😉
Sending lots of love your way, Gail. I hope you’re able to have a relaxing, safe Easter weekend at home ♥🐰🐣
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It was a hard time. I am so grateful to God for being there, and for Him allowing my Dad to be there for me. And I am grateful for the doctors, and my brother Charlie who helped me at times that I couldn’t walk. And I praise God my anxiety hasn’t been that bad in years. I do not miss that. I praise God Anthoni no longer has to take that antiseizure medicine anymore. It was only for a year to give his immune system to fully develop. God was so good in so many ways, and still is! His was so good to bless me with your friendship! Hope you have a Happy and safe Easter !
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